just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
