Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
