Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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