I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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