My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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