you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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