I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
