she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
