Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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