yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
