living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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