Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
