is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
