I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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