16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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