You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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