Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
