The maid of honor just puked.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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