I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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