I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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