talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
we're making bets on your personal life
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
