I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
