Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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