yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
