There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
