bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
