Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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