I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
