I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
