You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
