More tranny stories later!
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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