im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
