I'm pants shitting drunk right now
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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