Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
