Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
