The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
