somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
