there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
