where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
