I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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