so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
