I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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