Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
