Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
