i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
