dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
