Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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