you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
