felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
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