can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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